What to expect, when expecting the unexpected

No new art, just an Gastroschisis update this is a follow on blog from Creation is hard work. At some point I'll categorise my blog and have them all in sections on different pages, for now my blog is as scattered as my mind... I've already shared a blog this week Sleep talking... and I try not to do more than one a month, but as I like to share awareness and for some reason I keep getting challenges thrown at me I'll share todays events... This will be full of typos of course!

This blog is a little all over the place I writ it as I was waiting for my appointments. I have no idea what to expect, I wish I did. I'm sharing this because maybe it's helpful for someone going through the same, this is a real life play by play of my experience so far with being pregnant while my baby has Gastroschisis. Every pregnancy is different, but while waiting I have a lot of time to think, process and I want to share this with others because before this pregnancy I was not aware with how exhausting these types of conditions were and all the added challenges that came with them. Gastroschisis is a condition that means my daughter has part of her intestine on the outside, she will need an operation and extra care.

Today is a nervy day two appointments, but first a scan which will be very intense as scans here tend to be. Then we will have our usually chat after that, to find out how everything is going. I’ll get a check over, answer a load of questions about my “feelings” depending on how exhausted I’m feeling at that point maybe I’ll be “fine” just so I can go get some fresh air…then we will need to go away for a few hours and come back for our second appointment of the day. That one is in the children’s hospital I think, I’ve forgotten already. I’m most nervous about walking through the children's hospital (if that’s where it is), sick children and babies make me want to cry. Even when I was going through my not feeling my emotions stage in my life, (god I miss that unhealthy stage) and even before I was a mum the idea of children going through illness was hard. The thought of that is enough to give anyone a lump in their throat! The strength that people have is admirable. Strength I will somehow have to find, somehow.

As I wait I have my headphones on of course, but on low. I can hear everything I just don’t want to invite anyone to have a conversation with me. Not today. However that doesn’t seam too likely to happen, the corridor is full, I usually get a seat today that’s not an option right now so standing it is. There’s a woman across from me, a few feet away I’m picking up on her nervousness. I accidentally had eye contact with her, her eyes are FULL of worry I sympathise, we are not aloud our partners with us however hers is here. Like me he’s standing, I can’t help but feel more sorry for him as he looks lost, they keep glancing at each other. My appointment is running late, obviously. When I got here there was already 8 people waiting with 6 chairs. I’m making 9 now, today will be a long day. It’s hot, I’m making an attempt to wear a mask and I want to rip it off and be sick. From the heat, my nerves or genuine pregnancy sickness I don’t know.

I notice a woman fanning herself with her pregnancy notes, she is also standing I wish she had a seat. No one is talking to each other, I sometimes catch parts of conversations. The conversations in this corridor are never easy to listen too, because everyone here has a baby with some kind of condition and some of them might not make it for long after birth. Some of them have already lost babies and are pregnant again.

The woman who was suffering from standing with the heat leaves, she needs fresh air. A few minutes later a seat becomes free, so it’s mine now I feel bad but my back also hurts so I take it. It’s a university hospital so there are student doctors and nurses walking around, which is nice and positive to see, they look bright and enthusiastic. They will save lives and make a difference, that must be a great feeling to have. I decided to write today to keep my mind busy, so it just looks like I am furiously txting… everyone is on their phones, heads down, alone. Our partners have to wait outside. People are getting their appointments quicker now, if the woman who had to get some fresh air comes back she will get a chair if she is quick!

My appointment is now an hour late. The corridor is full again, chairs are also full. Someone else has their partner with them, a different couple from before I didn’t notice the first worried couple going into their appointment. The woman who needed fresh air comes back. She's standing again, I offer her my chair she politely declines. I can’t help but feel the man taking up a chair should move for her, yeah ok it’s 2021 we are all equals (when men let us be anyway...) but he could and should move for her as he’s not even meant to be waiting here, he hears me offer my chair too because I had eye contact with him after I asked her if she wanted mine. Now I realise I’m getting fed up with waiting and I shouldn’t be grumpy, but she eventually gets a chair next to me, my first thought is I hope she doesn’t talk to me.

A midwife tells the man he can’t wait here anymore and to go outside, I feel bad for him a bit it’s cold out however in this case rules are not meant to be broken. Guess I’m still feeling grumpy, I wish I had some water. I regret my decision to have a coffee and not pick up a bottle of water, I’m still sat in silence. Everyone is still silently sitting in their own worlds of worry. My heart burn has now also kicked in, great. I want my husband to be here with me. I could easily have my MacBook with me and be doing work now I have a seat… again I accidentally make eye contact with another pregnant woman. She has water, she’s also been crying, she’s alone and looks quite young. She goes back into the toilet probably to cry some more. Everyone here has a story, and is going through their own pregnancy experiences. All difficult, not everyone here will get to hold their babies straight away, some might not get to hold them at all. My stomach feels odd, I’m picking up on all sorts of vibes now. Almost two hours late for my appointment, I turn my headphones up a little, I can still hear but I’m fed up now. Tired, I don’t feel like talking or getting touched. I hope they are gentle with the scan. I hear my name…it’s go time!

The scan was much quicker today, my husband is aloud into the scans I’m always grateful when he’s aloud back in. I still feel sick from being touched but that parts done! Back into the corridor to wait AGAIN I also have a chair which is a bonus, I’m feeling drained now. </