Hiding in boxes, planning my future and heart burn...

This will be a short one, a quick look at what i’ve been up to. My next blog will be my new top 10 self portraits as I have sooooo many now! As always sorry about the spelling mistakes…

Please also check out All is Fair in Art and War & The Share of my Art

I had a week off work-work, so I stayed as busy as possible obviously rest is for people who like to be with themselves, I do not. September was always going to be a tricky one anyway for reasons mostly forgotten about, but I should learn to let go too! However I did catch up on some TV and drink I lots of tea (The Walking Dead and American Horror Story which has given me some future self portrait ideas) I also contemplated my future while lying down I feel that probably counts as taking it easy… I had two weddings so that helped with the not being left alone! My website is also updated, that was well overdue, I now have a new plan and I’m taking wedding bookings for 2023! That’s right incase anyone has forgotten I’m also a wedding photographer not just someone who bitches about life and takes photos of themselves! I also really love weddings which is a little odd considering how much anxiety I deal with on a day-to-day basis, but weddings don’t scare me (anymore). I love all the planning, creativeness and being in control. I also pick up on vibes so being in a room filled with happy people has a really positive effect on me, i’m a little sad that my next wedding isn’t until 2022 but i’m now rocking a little (ever growing) bump and getting really tired…

I now really feel baby Cole move, i’ve been feeling her for a long time but now the movements are really strong which at first with her condition did freak me out because I don’t want her to get hurt or twisted but the docs have assured me for now she’s doing well the 3 weekly scans and hospital appointments are still really mentally and physically exhausting and anyone who knows me well will know it turns my stomach to be touch by people not in my family circle, so I do get really stressed but like most of life this is something I just have to get on with. She's also giving me a lot of heart burn at the moment, which is why i'm up so late writing this blog tonight it's hard to sleep with it, another reason not to sleep... I'm also still finding it difficult to plan self portrait shoots about this pregnancy, I’m almost sure at this stage she’s not going to get taken away from me but it still feels a little like tempting fate, so I’ll hold off just a little longer before I do another one!

The Art...

Art wise i’ve done a bit, I did have intension of doing more, I planned some work and I will get to it, but this week has mostly been about thinking of the future and weddings. I aways have plans, I spend all night thinking so of course I have plans, but starting them is sometimes tricky. I’m also a mixture of pregnancy hormones and my normal frustrations at the moment, I wasn’t emotional while pregnant with Deryn, I could literally cry at the moment if I dropped a bit of chocolate on the floor I really want to eat… i’m not a fan of it, this new emotional me. I once went a year and 3 months without crying, no tears for ANYTHING which i’m told isn’t ‘healthy’ hopefully next year I’ll balance out again! So as always I photograph how I feel, and I’ve been a mixture of anger, sad emotions and anxiety SUCH FUN… I’m also really happy too and grateful, can’t forget grateful but I've chosen not to capture that yet.

I'm planning a new black and white project all based on my dreams! I'm excited, it will be really dark. I'm also exploring ways to make my images mixed media, The two images below I did just before my week off, probably why it was wise to have a week off…

Me in a box, hiding from the world outside… it was a tight squeeze! I don’t know how else to capture how I feel when I don’t want to go outside and function, sometimes I wish I could hide but my ambitions forces me to continue with every day life, which is probably a good thing because I can’t keep myself locked away in a box. I know this, I get really frustrated with myself when I have a bad day, I tell myself to ‘get a grip’ I’m meant to tell myself ‘It’s ok’ but that still feels like giving in a little, but I’m working on it.