So keeping this blog more about the art, of course i’ll go into the reasons behind my work but I also want to talk a little more about the technique and share some of my other projects not just my self portraits in this one! So it's all a little random. Once again I hope whoever you are you enjoyed reading it, unfortunately there will be typos I apologise for this, but it is what it is! This one might not make sense if you don't already follow my blogs as I refer back to my other posts...
I love art, and not just photography I could look at art all day. I love the feeling of being inspired, it’s addictive and when I can’t create or have creative block of course like any creator it has a negative impact on me, the more I create the more I feel like i’m chasing the inspirational high. It’s frustrating I have a lot of creative energy at the age of 30 I assumed I would be better at channelling this! I'm still figuring out my long term plans, I just want to create, to feel a connection and help others feel via my art. After my blog The Shape of My Art got so many views and mostly positive reactions I got a little overwhelmed I guess, I felt incredibly vulnerable and on display but it's not just about how I feel I don't create just for that, I also create for awareness, I did get ask rudely to take that particular blog down so when it got so many views It did feel good, some people fear the truth it makes them uncomfortable. I'm not responsible for how others view my work of course I don't want to hurt anyone but if that blog made you uncomfortable imagine living it...
SO THE ART!
I call it art anyway, other people at this point probably call is something else…
Make sense to start with an update from my self portrait project. I was feeling kind of angry when I did this, and it probably came across like a rant on my social media I totally understand that, but it was the reason behind the art, and I really like honesty. Lighting is off, editing is off, I should really redo my hand and match the jumper up better, It would be an easy fix but I move on fast once i've posted, and do really like it, It feels meaningful and important, good editing is always nice to look at but there is more to art than perfection.
Those Who Refuse to See
Ok, the ranty bit-
It's funny the same people who have been mindlessly “liking” my images for the past year or so while I’ve been working though my experiences are the same people against it. Which I shouldn’t care about, I alway say it, art is subjective BUT what have they been assuming they have been “liking” I mean did they even look at it and let a thought cross their mind maybe not, maybe it’s easier not to think. Must be nice… I’m grateful for the positive conversations and unfortunately even the stomach dropping ones that back up my last blog. It validates my feelings and that’s powerful because it’s not an easy thing to have on display as i've already mentioned, I don’t take any kind of personal pleasure from over sharing my reasons behind creating, I just want awareness for others and I did generally try and get on with it all and build bridges which is clearly to complex for people to understand. But I guess ignorance is bliss right… but just getting on with it and being silent doesn’t break cycles it allows them to continue, and yeah the last blog was intense I get it, but it’s my life and unfortunately that’s also been intense and that wasn’t even the worse of my experiences, in fact I was very kind in it and there are a few people who need to remember that, but I really don’t want to be an angry person, I want to be the best person I can be whatever that means and I've promised myself to try to live less in the past.
Here is a link to a behind the scenes video of Those Who Refuse to See. Song is Grandson Blood//Water and was VERY fitting to the image, music is a massive inspiration to me and also helps me genuinely in everyday life.
Getting technical
So below is a technique I use a lot, it’s so easy! If you clicked on my behind the sense video you would have seen me carry it out basically I focus on an object usually a light stand. Manual focus aperture between 11-16 so that I have room to move around and still be in focus, It’s very important not to move the camera or change any settings so that the image looks more realistic and it just makes editing easier. I also try and keep my ISO at 100 in my Studio, if i’m shooting in a room and don’t have a flash then I’ll go as hight as I need to, digital noise in my own work doesn't bother me. Shutter unless it’s a long exposures arounds stays around the 200 mark. These are my go to settings, and of course self timer, all I have to do then is move around a bit and edit the images together, it’s very simple! I’ve gone into the meanings behind each images a little;
Digging in Memories
It’s weird digging around old memories, necessary but still exhausting i’m looking forward to shutting the the box again, but i’ll keep it at a jar this time. Yep I have a suitcase full of dead flowers, that’s a normal artist thing to do I’m sure of it…I actually find dried out flowers incredibly beautiful and change is a part of life, flowers are always changing, they grow and die like us all.
Creativity is a muscle the more I use it the easier it is to create and I feel stronger for it. I’ve been really tired, and a little low but I didn’t mean to look this grumpy in the image, however I wasn’t reshooting it because my hair looks good so il put up with my faces. Life is about compromise anyway.
Masking
Masking, so apparently I mask my frustrations, trauma and other issues with humour. I don’t see this as a bad thing. I can learn how to not do this, but that seams like work and I feel it’s part of my personality and I like it, although I’m more open now especially around the people I trust (I feel I’ve chosen them well). Although I worry I overshare and burden them, but I like to be honest, if everyone was just honest we would probably all struggle less...why is life so complex?!
Baby Cole
It was about time I did an image for baby Cole, this baby is very strong and already very loved. I used gold body paint, as a reference to one of my older images that was inspired by the Japanese traditions of fixing broken objects with gold glue so that the flaws become part of it’s beauty and story adding to its value. This ends a kind of image story (although it might not be done, I may still use this technique…) originally I started a project back in January painting a pregnancy that didn’t work out, I didn’t want to just carry on where I left off with this image I wanted it to be connected yes but not a replacement. I like it, it doesn’t feel wrong didn't it either I thought it might but so far no guilt.
My daughter also helped paint me gold, it’s always nice when she gets involved!
You can follow my pregnancy story and the work it inspired in my other related blogs linked below-
My head still feels a little dark these days so may as well stop fighting it and get more weird! It feels great to be working like this again, I'm still getting some bad days but i'm working really hard on my mental health people keep saying "one day at a time" I need to listen more to people and stop isolating myself and letting myself get so angry still that's all easer said than done! I'll get there!
So that's what I’ve been up to with my own portrait work! But I’ve also been busy with weddings I need to start a wedding blog back up again but i’m working out were that fits on my website, or if they need to be completely separated it’s tricky having two very different creative genres but I love them both so i’m working on making them fit! I’ve also started planning and carrying out other creative projects!
Here is a look at the 3 weddings I had in July, I have another two in September i’m very excited!
Mr & Mrs Raymond
03.07.2021
Mr & Mrs Brown
16.07.2021
Mr & Mrs Jenkins
17.07.2021
So here is a VERY quick look, I’m working on these more this week so I’ll be sharing more very soon.
My good friend Gemma who is obviously gorgeous and very good at getting me out the house has been helping be get re inspired, this was a lot of fun! I’m editing this gallery this week and can not wait to get it done! We shot over two weekends, the first shoot was a tester shoot to get some ideas and typically that the day with the better light! The real shoot unfortunately we had very flat light, I like overcast but it was really grey which was a little disappointing but you can’t change the weather and if theres one thing I know about its trying to make the best of a disappointing situation! But they turned out well!
Once again thanks for reading, i'll post an update soon.
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